Old Father Time

Old Father Time, 3 illustrations by JVL in Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, 

Artists' Choice Editions, 2009.

The Text:

Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better with

the time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no

answers.'

'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't

talk about wasting IT. It's HIM.'

'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.

 'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head

contemptuously. 'I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'

'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to beat

time when I learn music.'

 'Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. 'He won't stand beating.

Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost

anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were

nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only

have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a

twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!'

The Cook chucks fire-irons, saucepans, plates, and dishes all over the kitchen

The Cook chucks fire-irons, saucepans, plates, and dishes all over the kitchen, 

an illustration by JVL in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Artists' Choice Editions, 2009

The Text:

The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke

from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-

legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning

over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to be full of

soup.

 'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to

 herself, as well as she could for sneezing.

 There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess

sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and

howling alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in

the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat

which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.

'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for she was

not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first,

'why your cat grins like that?'

'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!'

She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite

jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to

the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again: --

'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't

know that cats COULD grin.'

 'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'

'I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, feeling quite

pleased to have got into a conversation.

'You don't know much,' said the Duchess; 'and that's a fact.'

Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it

would be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation.

While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of

soup off the fire, and at once set to work throwing everything

within her reach at the Duchess and the baby -- the fire-irons

came first; then followed a shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes.

The Duchess took no notice of them even when they hit her; and the

baby was howling so much already, that it was quite impossible to

say whether the blows hurt it or not.

The raven and the writing desk

The raven and the writing desk, an illustration by JVL in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, 

Artists' Choice Editions, 2009.

The text:

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he

SAID was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'

 'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad

they've begun asking riddles. -- I believe I can guess that,' she

added aloud.

 'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said

the March Hare.

'Exactly so,' said Alice.

'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.

 'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least -- at least I mean what I say --

that's the same thing, you know.'

'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well

say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'

 'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I like

what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'

 'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be

talking in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing

 as "I sleep when I breathe"!'

'It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the

conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while

Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and

writing-desks, which wasn't much.

The Caterpillar's hookah and mushroom

The Caterpillar's hookah and mushroom, an illustration by JVL in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Artists' Choice Editions, 2009.

The text:

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In a

minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and

yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the

mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it

went, 'One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will

make you grow shorter.'

 'One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to

 herself.

'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it

 aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.